Hi friends! Happy New Year (:
I wanted to make a New Year’s post because one I love New Year’s (it lets me be overly sentimental per usual) but two I also know it can be a super overwhelming time. I feel like resolutions have a bad reputation because of societal pressures but truly I love them and want to share how I’ve made them more positive for myself. Before we get into it, remember you can start fresh at any time and you don’t have to change who you are just because it’s January.
Last year, I added the word “practice” into my resolutions and felt much more accomplished and motivated throughout the year. For example, one of my goals this year is to practice posting to my blog at least once a month. This goal could very easily be: post to my blog once a month. Posting once a month is a realistic and achievable goal, but if/when I miss a month, I don’t want the one or two months to take away from all the other months I did post.
To take a step back, what I really want to achieve with this goal is to practice writing and using a creative outlet to work on something that is my own. Practicing to post once a month holds me accountable without reinforcing shame around New Year’s resolutions. Now, when I evaluate this goal throughout the year, instead of asking myself if I’ve posted on my blog every month, I can appreciate all the times I practiced writing, honor the true intention of the goal and use the goal as a reference point for how much I’ve practiced.
When we shift our focus, we also practice necessary skills like self-compassion, self-acceptance and patience. By committing to practicing, we accept ourselves for where we are and create habits that get us closer to our goals in a sustainable way.
Our dreams are nothing without practice and so often, we’re conditioned to judge ourselves based only on the accomplishment and not the journey. Having resolutions to start a business, lose 20 pounds, earn a new degree are fine – great even, but you can’t get to any of them without the practice. It’s never a straight path to our goals and if we reduce our lives to a black and white version of if we achieved the goal or did not, we can lose sight of how far we’ve come.
One of the biggest mind-shifts I’ve learned from sobriety is valuing a “sober lifestyle” in the same way we value and strive for sobriety. So if you’re trying not to drink and you do, instead of beating yourself up and spiraling it’s helpful to take a step back and recognize this is one slip up and it does not define you or take away from all the other work you’ve done to achieve a sober lifestyle. It’s the same for healthy eating, if you try to eat healthy but have a “bad” day, that day doesn’t take away from your healthy lifestyle.
I tend to be an all-or-nothing, live in the extremes kind of person and this shift was so helpful in recognizing there is so much to love in the gray. Being mindful about the journey is truly all you can ask of yourself. That in itself is the reward.
So whatever your goals are this year, please be patient with yourself. Life is hard – practicing, learning and being mindful is the goal above all else!!