I created Life With EMM as a lifestyle blog in hopes it could help others to recognize the power they hold and their ability to change their own life as I try (read: struggle) to do the same. One of the main reasons I’m here is because of my obsession with counseling. I started going to counseling when I was in second grade (yikes) for anxiety. I have been extremely grateful that my family has always been so trusting of therapy. But, it wasn’t until my sophomore year of college that I really began seeking out therapy for myself.
Because I’m such an advocate of therapy, I’ve literally recommended it to anyone that will listen and from that, I’ve picked up on a lot of the fear that holds people back from starting counseling*.
*Note: there are a ton of different methods and approaches to counseling and therapy, the one I will mostly be referring to is individual counseling with general mental health counselors
This article holds what I’ve learned people fear when first starting or considering starting counseling and I hope it helps to validate your feelings, and challenge you to take the next steps in literally changing your life!!
Feeling as if your problems aren’t “bad enough” for counseling
Your job on this earth is not to compare your struggles with your friends, or strangers, or anyone you ever hear, see, know, etc. Absolutely anyone and everyone can benefit from counseling and by thinking your life has to be “bad enough”, you are standing in your own way of being able to create your dream life. If you constantly wait until something in your life becomes “bad enough,” you are setting up a self-fulfilling prophesy for negative things to happen to make you worthy of counseling. In reality, you are already worthy. A lot of the work I’ve done in counseling is addressing automatic thoughts and creating new habits. Going to therapy will help lay the foundation for when you inevitably face challenges throughout life, if anything, its more productive to go before you think your life is bad enough!
Being uncomfortable talking about personal feelings/ intimate parts of your life
This is a big one and personally I don’t think it ever really becomes easy to talk about these things. But, we’re not here to only do easy things, if you have ever listened to Glennon Doyle (which if you haven’t, please leave and do so immediately), you know we were made to do hard things. Talking about your feelings takes a lot of courage and a ton of practice. I think a good way to address this fear is thinking: “I am in control of what I share or don’t share and this is my story to tell.” A counselor will never force or trick you into sharing more than you are comfortable with. The process of sharing will evolve gradually through each session, and your experience with counseling with continue to be enriched by the process of opening up. Your counselor is not there to judge you or critique your reality, only to listen.
Fear of being vulnerable
Again, this one is huge and seriously, listen, watch, read anything Brené Brown has ever created and you will learn how vast and complicated and courageous vulnerability is. Before I read Brené’s books or listened to her podcast, I thought of vulnerability as a weakness. I think we’re conditioned a lot of the time to see vulnerability as something to avoid, almost to say that we are safe if were not vulnerable. Brené has spent her life researching vulnerability and quickly found that underneath vulnerability, is shame. She explains shame as the fear of disconnection, but in order for connection to happen, we have to be vulnerable. We have to be vulnerable because we have to let ourselves be seen. Counseling is a great way to practice vulnerability because a counselor is there only to listen, and then you leave. I think it’s harder to be vulnerable around people you have relationships with because that is where the fear of judgment/shame comes into play. In reality, counseling is almost the perfect place to address this fear!
Money
Unfortunately, therapy is extremely expensive and is not covered generously by most insurance companies. The good news is that as mental health becomes less stigmatized, more options become available. Healthline outlines several options that are more affordable and more flexible than traditional counseling. You can also consider free resources such as podcasts, courses on SkillShare, YouTube, etc.
Committing to counseling takes a lot of energy and often feels hard. As with anything else, it’s really important to know your “why” and to be patient with yourself. Counseling is definitely a marathon, not a sprint.