This post isn’t like a lot of other posts I write, it’s essentially my inner monologue but public for everyone to read!!! But I hope it resonates with you, and if not, I hope you can at least appreciate a vent sesh (:
It’s a new year, but not much has changed. And unlike most new year’s, the stagnant feelings that have come with 2021, are due mostly to external factors (hello pandemic), rather than our own level of motivation. I wanted to write this post because I feel like a ton of people in my life are feeling helpless and stuck right now, myself included. On one hand, the new year symbolizes a time of energy, growth and change. But obviously, our normal ways of going after our goals and creating the change we want, feel unattainable, delayed, cancelled. With the new year may have come a fresh mindset, but Covid-19 regulations and restrictions, make it feel like our days are wasting away.
Yesterday I was admittedly spiraling, harddd. I think one of the challenges in navigating a global pandemic (if I have to pick just one), is that it is really easy to feel guilty about grieving your own life. I’m disappointed I couldn’t move to another city, but no one in my family died. I’m disappointed I got laid off from a job I loved, but I still have a home and food easily accessible.
And while it is important to recognize these blessings and be grateful and understand our problems are not the most important problems right now, we are still allowed to grieve our own losses. Once I recognized this yesterday, I remembered the quote, “let go of the illusion that it could have been any different.” I’m sure you know this quote and the first time I heard it I remember it didn’t really resonate with me at the time. But now, it feels like exactly what we all need to hear.
My inner monologue the entire time since shutdown in March of 2020 has been I’m missing out on… I would be doing…. Which is a great way to make yourself feel like a major loser!!!! Now, I recognize that we literally have no idea what we would be doing if Covid-19 never wreaked havoc on our world. We can romanticize the idea of what our lives would look like, and, if you want to feel like a total loser, romanticize away!
Letting go of the illusion that it could have been different means appreciating that the universe is working for us. Our current life could not have been different because that’s not what happened. We can be all of the things we want to be right now.
For me, this means accepting that the best version of myself doesn’t only exist in whatever city I want to move to and whatever vacation I want to take. The best version of myself exists right now, I just have to work for it. I think in a way, Covid-19 is forcing us to dig deeper into ourselves. Without the nights out and vacations, what makes us, us? Our lives could not be different, there are things we can look forward to and be excited about in the future, but what can we do right now to create the life we romanticize? How can you chase your dreams and find growth in whatever situation you are in right now?