I finally moved to New York City! And I’ve waited so long and worked so hard to be here that I’m going to be as dramatic as possible about living here. Being here has truly been so rewarding, but as with any change, it has also been a lot to process.
I’ve always resisted change. All of the changes in my life up to this point, I’ve met with hesitation and frustration and most of that stems from anxiety and having a lack of control over these changes. When I was deciding whether to move after graduation, I knew that I had to make a choice. I could let this pattern of resistance continue or I could replace it with something healthier.
I think the amount of time I had to adjust and commit to the move was actually a blessing in disguise. When we first went into lockdown because of Covid, I was crushed I would have to put all the work I had done on pause. I didn’t know when I would be able to move or how the world would change until then. During that time, and as I’ve talked about on my blog before, I often felt discouraged. Feeling stuck was such a real part of the pandemic for so many people.
Flash forward, I’m living in New York City and the change has been concerningly easy. I feel comfortable and excited- words I would literally have never imagined using to describe moving 8 hours away from my family and friends and the life I knew. I realized that the whole time I was home and impatiently waiting to move, I wasn’t “stuck” at all, but growing. If it wasn’t for that period of growth, I would be resisting this change and putting myself through the same suffering I had always put myself through in the past.
I don’t know, I don’t have much else to say about it, I think the takeaway is your surroundings and predisposed, mean, inner-bitch thoughts don’t dictate the truth about your growth. I think there is peace in knowing you don’t need change to grow. So often we are told the lie that you need to make drastic life changes to grow. And I don’t think that helps anyone, change is scary and so often the feeling of “needing a big change” deters people from feeling like they can grow at all. Of course, big life changes do impact growth, but you are growing exactly where you are in the exact way you need to be just by working on being your best self. There is peace in knowing you can be comfortable and grow and uncomfortable and grow and both are good.
I feel proud of myself in a way I’ve never experienced. I don’t think a previous version of myself could jump into this change with open arms and an excited spirit. The waiting was the lesson I needed to learn throughout the pandemic. To be still and recognize my own power outside of being “busy.” Moving home for a year forced me to find courage to pursue my dreams from inside myself, not in the external measures I was accustomed to using. So I encourage you to ask yourself what this period of your life is trying to teach you, and if the answer doesn’t feel obvious, take note of how you’re feeling. In the future, it will all make sense.
